


Love doesn't discriminate

by 2am_Writing_Addict



Category: 18th Century CE RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Era, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Happy with a angst ending, Hercules Mulligan is a good bro, John Laurens needs a Hug, Lafayette is a Good Bro, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sad Ending, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-06 03:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16380611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2am_Writing_Addict/pseuds/2am_Writing_Addict
Summary: John is adamant in the belief that getting jealous watching your friend dance with ladies is normal. So is wanting to push him against a wall and kiss him. After all, John and Alexander's relationship is completely platonic and always will be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> John's POV

Alexander was dancing with yet another lady. They fawned over him as he flirted, blushing when he kissed their hand, stuttering yes when he asked them to dance, and sighing as he disappeared into the crowd. They all held themselves so high then fell into his beautiful arms the moment they saw him.

Wait, why are you sniggering, it's the truth! ... I said beautiful!? That can be platonic, right? Yeah, anyone could see how stunning he is. After all, there is a reason why women flock around him. It's not like I want to push him up against a wall and kiss those perfect smooth lips because I like women, ok! Can I continue? ... Thank you.

A church bell chimed twice in the distance and the lady dancing with Alexander gasped as if she had forgotten that time passes. I watched from the side of the hall as they exchanged goodbyes and she vanished into the crowd. Alexander was hidden by the groups of ladies and gentlemen who had discovered that the time was later than they wanted or realised. A hand clasped my shoulder and I jumped, spinning around to face my attacker.

"Mon ami!" Right, just Lafayette. "Mulligan and I are going to get drinks, do you want to join us?" 

"Sure, is..."

"Non, I don't know if Hamilton joining us, Mulligan is trying to drag him away from the ladies as we speak." Wait, how did he know I was going to ask that? 

"How did you..."

"Know you were going to ask about Hamilton? You are too, what is the word, predictable. You always ask about him, and everyone can see you watching him with love in your eyes."

“What! I don't love…”

"Good news! I have the tomcat!" I winced on Alexander's behalf as the remaining fellow guests turned to find out who or what Mulligan was yelling about.

"Hilarious Mulligan," Alexander responded sarcastically as he appeared out of the crowd, his uniform hugging his thin figure, the candle light making his stunning eye shine their unique colour, somewhere between blue and violet, which doesn't truly have a word to describe it. "Where are we going to go?"

"Let's go back to camp, I've got a bottle of wine I brought with moi from Français. Bien?" 

"Yeah!" So loud Mulligan!

"Sounds good!" Mulligan, why can't you be intellectual and more like Alexander. At least when he is loud he is intelligent about it. "John?" That's me! Oh right, going back to camp.

"Sure." Alexander grinned along with Mulligan and Lafayette. I can see why girls fawn over that smile.

We left the hall, Lafayette and Mulligan laughing and joking in front as Alexander fell into to step beside me. With the sounds of drunken joy and sniggering along with a sprinkling of French filling the street, Alexander and I fell into a comfortable silence, our hands bumping occasionally. As we reached the camp, I took in the vast noise. Apparently, most of the soldiers had taken advantage of how far behind the front line we are and were in various states of intoxication. We wove our way through the tents and drinking groups, Lafayette and Mulligan disturbing a path for us until we reached the large tent Alexander had been given when he started climbing the ranks. Ducking inside, we waited until Lafayette reappeared with a bottle from his tent, popped it open, and then we began to pass it around, drinking and laughing as we did so. 

My attention to Lafayette and Mulligan's drunken antics faded and I turned towards Hamilton. The light in the tent was dim, only the light coming from an oil lamp that Mulligan had obtained a while back, but the little light there was shone off Alexander's auburn red hair and sharpened his already sharp jaw into a knife edge. No, that makes him sound cruel and ugly. He wasn't, he was gorgeous. His head tipped back, Adam's apple bobbling shaking as he laughed. I zoned back into the conversation just in time to hear Alexander's response to whatever had just been said.

"Of course I was having fun, hopping through the ladies. It doesn't matter that I didn't spend more than one dance with them." He turned his body towards me, sliding close and throwing his left arm over my shoulders. "What about you John? Find a lucky lady? Or there someone you haven't been telling us about?"

"Nah, no one for me and I haven't gotten anyone hidden either." I thought for a moment before coming to a conclusion. "I must just not be the lady's type."

"Don't worry John, you are handsome and kindhearted. Ladies love that. I'm sure you'll find someone soon." There was something unidentifiable in his voice beneath the casualness of friendly advice. I brushed it away with a smile and allowed my self to relax into Alexander's warmth as the conversation continued.

I registered shuffling and glanced up to see Lafayette and Mulligan standing. They grabbed their coats and we exchanged goodbyes as they exited, much like we would any night. There was, however, a difference. As Mulligan passed Alexander, he whispered something, so quietly that I could only hear a slight hiss of air.

Despite the lack of company, neither of us moved. The arm over my shoulder pulled me closer and I let it. Together we sat, two friends, grabbing a moment together in our hectic, dangerous lives. The mostly empty bottle of wine lay between us, the camp still loud outside the thin walls. Alexander lifted the bottle and took a drink, his smooth lips curling around the thin end, sliding off with a quiet pop.

"Do you want some?" He asked me, holding out the bottle, tilted it right up until the remaining few sips of wine flowed dangerously close to the end, and barely any distance from my lips. I tilted my chin up and caught the end, the wine flowing steadily onto my tongue before running dry.

"I'm afraid that's the last of it," I sighed as Alexander placed down the bottle.

"That's a shame, I was hoping to drink some more." I turned my head to face him only to realise we were close, very close. "I guess I could simply do this," he murmured. I opened my mouth to ask what he meant but he cut me off. Warm lips covered mine and he was kissing me.

Wait... kissing me! I froze. No. I like ladies. Ladies with auburn red hair. Ladies with beautiful violet-blue eyes. Ladies that with soft, smooth skin and lips just like Alexander. Maybe… maybe I was wrong. I like auburn red hair and violet-blue eyes and smooth skin and lips and everything about Alexander. They're wrong about their views of slavery so maybe... maybe loving a man isn't wrong. I love him... I love Alexander! That's why I always hated the women he flirted with. Because I wanted to be dancing with him. And he's kissing me! Until he wasn't. He pulled back, stuttering out words.

"Sorry! I'm sorry, I- don't tell anyone! Please! I misread and I don't know what came over me and-"

I cut him off, pushing forwards and kissing him. His lips began relaxed under mine and then we were kissing, lips molding over each other. I slipped my hand into his hair, running my fingers through those beautiful auburn red curls. His right hand cupping my cheek, fingertips tracing my jaw, and in that moment, I had never felt so safe. All to soon I had to pull back for air, our lips parting just enough so our eyes could focus. 

"You don't have to apologise," I whispered, unwilling to break the intimate silence.

"I didn't realise how long I have loved you for. I danced around and I flirted with everyone but I never realised that the reason they weren't good enough was because they weren't you." He smiled, far more shy than I had ever seen him. I returned the smile as I responded.

"I've loved you since I met you, I was just to blind to see it." I paused, unable to hide my curiosity any longer. "What did Mulligan whisper to you?" I was rewarded with a genuine and stunning smile. 

"He said that they won't tell or judge and to be careful"

"I'm glad they accept us."

"I am too." His lips connected with mine. We were hidden from the judgemental world outside by only a thin layer of material but I had never ever felt as safe as I had in that moment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alexander learn that nothing lasts forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still John's POV

The days passed slowly, Alexander and I sneaking kisses and grabbing moments alone together. Mulligan and Lafayette stayed true to their word, keeping our secret and even making excuses for us. For a while, the world didn't seem quite so cruel. Then, a week before the Winter Ball, we discovered that there were rumors in the air and they were getting dangerously close to people who may do more than judge in silence.

Lafayette, Alexander and I were in Lafayette's tent one evening, the sun still high enough to light the tent without the need to burn an oil lamp. The conversation was pointless but humorous and effective at distracting from the war. The lighthearted atmosphere broke when Mulligan rushed in. 

"We have a problem!" He shout-whispered, throwing himself down into our circle between Lafayette and Alexander. "I just got asked if the rumors are true. Apparently, someone has been saying that they saw you two kissing. They claim your tent wasn't properly closed and they saw you as they walked past."

"What!?" Alexander and I exclaimed.

We talked long through the night only to come to up with one solution. Alexander would have to be seen flirting with women throughout the ball and, if anyone catches either of our eyes, we should pursue it. In short, our relationship could not continue. 

It was the evening of the ball, the light slowly fading from the sky. And my life, as my brain so helpfully provided. I was dressed in the fanciest clothes I owned, not that there was much point in dressing up. No one was going to be able to replace Alexander. As I sat, lost in thought, Alexander pushed open my tent and stepped inside.

"John?" 

"Alexander?" He checked the tent was closed before crossing the small area and sitting down beside me. I leaned into his warmth, bitterly thinking about how this was likely to be the last time I would ever have this.

"Can we talk?" He pulled my arm over his shoulder, closing the already small distance between us.

"Sure, about tonight?"

"Yes, I want you to know something." His stunning eyes gazed up at me. "I love you, John, I am sure that I always will. I hate the world for forcing us apart, for giving us no choice. Lafayette was right, as much as I hate it, if I see a lady that I could marry, I have to try. Please, John, promise me you'll try too. I want you to be happy." I looked down at him, as I forced myself to answer.

"I will try. I promise Alexander. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop loving you but you're right, we have no choice. I truly hope you find a lady as perfect as you deserve. You deserve happiness the most out of all of us." I let down and we kissed one last time before we stood and left to find Mulligan and Lafayette.

I remember that night, I just might regret that night for the rest of my days.  
I remember those soldier boys tripping over themselves to win girl's praise.  
I remember that dreamlike candlelight like a dream that you can’t quite place, but Alexander, I’ll never forget the first time you saw her face.  
You will never be the same, your intelligent eyes on her beautiful frame, and when you said “Hi,” I forgot my own name, broke my heart that day, every part that day, this is not a game…

The older sister approached Alexander first. I think she says her name is Angelica Schuyler. She mentioned his family. He brushed it off but he looked uncomfortable, I don't like her for that.

So so so— so this is what it feels like for him to match wits with someone at his level! But to me there's is a catch.  
It’s the lack of freedom, of seein’ the light. They're Ben Franklin with a key and a kite! He sees it, right?  
Their conversation lasted two minutes, maybe three minutes, everything they said in total agreement, it’s a dream and it’s a bit of a dance, a bit of a posture, it’s a bit of a stance.  
He’s a bit of a flirt, but she'll give it a chance. She asked about his family, did she see his answer? That his hands started fidgeting, he looked askance? That he's penniless, he’s flying by the seat of his pants?  
Handsome, boy, does he know it! Peach fuzz, and he can’t even grow it! I wanna take him far away from this place, then he turns and sees her sister's face and he is...  
Alexander: Helpless...  
And I know she is...  
Eliza: Helpless...  
And their eyes are just...  
Both: Helpless...  
And I realise three fundamental truths at the exact same time...

She takes Alexander by the arm and begins to lead him across the room.

Number one! I’m a man in a world in which my only love is to be a girl. My father has other sons but I’m still the one who has to get a lot of heirs for him, because I’m the oldest but not the wittiest and the girls in New York city are not my types, and Alexander is not a girl, so that just means I want him so much more.

She introduces Alexander to her sister, Eliza Schuyler.

Number two! He’s after them cuz they're Schuyler sisters, that elevates his status, I’d have to be naïve to set that aside, maybe that is why I leave him with Eliza, now that’s his bride.  
Nice going, John, you were right, you never be with him.  
  
I watch them talk, he flirts like just like he used to with the other ladies. Except he doesn't leave her after one dance, or two, or at all.

Number three! I know my Alexander like I know my own mind, you will never find anyone as dedicated or as kind.  
I told him that I love him, but the world just isn't kind, he’d can't be mine. I say, “I'm fine” I am lying.  
But when I fantasise at night it’s Alexander’s eyes, as I romanticise what might have been if the world hadn’t sized love up so quickly.  
At least my dear Alexander's my friend; at least I keep his eyes in my life…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... sorry? I hope you all enjoyed reading this!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is my first lams story so I hope you enjoyed it! There is one more chapter for you, good luck! *Laughs into tears*


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